In 2022, I retired from a fantastic career in law enforcement that spanned almost 35 years. These were years I will always cherish and would not change for anything. The decision to retire was complex, and it most certainly involved a lot of thought. It was the most difficult decision I have ever made. I had spent a lifetime experiencing things most people would never have the opportunity and, in some cases, the misfortune to experience. I believed my badge was my ticket to the greatest show on earth; that show was life, and I never missed a chance to attend a performance.
This is where life after retirement and our tickets to the greatest show on earth get complicated. First responders and military veterans have inarguably experienced repeated traumatic events throughout their careers. As a consequence, many have suffered both physical and mental traumas they will carry with them always. However, within our closed communities, we found support, felt we were not alone, and felt great pride in our identities. But what happens when we retire when we no longer fit within the closed communities we created? What happens to our ticket to the greatest show on earth? For many of us, we lose our support and our sense of belonging. We lose our identities, and we start to find ourselves on the outside of the show looking in.
Like all first responders and military veterans, I have seen the worst and the best of humanity. I saw things that made me laugh, made me cry, filled me with joy, and filled me with sadness. I witnessed life’s comedy and tragedy, and I have no regrets. I would tell you this for those lucky few who still have their ticket and those who just received their tickets or will soon earn their tickets to the greatest show on earth. I am confident you will experience the same fantastic show I did; enjoy it, embrace it, but do not get too comfortable in your seats; they are, by design, only temporary.
When we start our careers in law enforcement, most of us are young, eager officers; we plan to change the world. Thus, from the moment that we enter the academy, we begin learning that we are in a special group of men and women, a brother/sisterhood reserved for only those willing to prove their worth to each other through honor, dedication, and sacrifice. Our law enforcement brother/sisterhood is part of a larger brother/sisterhood that includes only other first responders and military personnel, all of whom must prove that same worth. We are told that we are all servants, protectors, guardians, and warriors for good. We do what others cannot or will not do. We are expected to assume significant risks others are unwilling to accept. We are expected to serve honorably and with great dedication. As a result, we sacrifice much with little recognition. Some of us willingly and without hesitation sacrifice everything, making us members of this special group. It is our membership in this special group that provides each of us our ticket to the greatest show on earth.
As a result, it’s our membership in these special groups that drives us to create closed-off exclusive communities within our larger public communities. Within these exclusive communities, we find support, acknowledgment, validation, belonging, and self-value; we find what becomes our identity. We are cops/firefighters/paramedics/soldiers; we are brothers and sisters; we are protectors, guardians, and warriors. Our tight social circles foster bonds and strong relationships, sometimes stronger than our relationships with our families and loved ones. We begin to socialize and associate ourselves with only those chosen few, those people we trust enough to allow into our close-knit social circles. These chosen few have proven themselves worthy and are welcomed as brothers and sisters. Within our close circles, we fully embrace camaraderie and brotherhood; we tell war stories that we believe nobody else would understand. We find comfort through our humor, and we find our humor where others find discomfort or horror. We bring order where there is chaos and demonstrate bravery where there is fear. We feel a sense of belonging in our closed communities because this is where we each find our identity. While this may seem almost impossible for many outsiders to understand, many insiders understand it all too well.
Immediately after retirement, some of us feel lost and are terrified from that first day. But for many of us, it seems exciting in the beginning. We maintain connections within these exclusive communities we were a part of. We find support through these maintained connections and still feel included in the experiences of those we remain connected to. But after time, for many, the excitement and connection begin to disappear. The communities we had felt so close to, so safe within for so long, begin to shut us out. The connections we held tight start to fade away over time, and the people we depended on seem to become less dependable. The communities appear to move on and forget about us, not intentionally, not because of spite or hard feelings, but because of time away from our seats under the big top. We seem to no longer have our ticket to the performance, and nobody other than themselves seems to notice or care. As a result, the show goes on without us; the brother/sisterhood, that community that made up the audience we loved being a part of, no longer notices we are gone. Ultimately, their sense of membership in the brother/sisterhood and the identity that came with their membership and that meant so much to them begins to fade and finally disappears.
When this happens, we struggle to find the belonging we always felt, we find difficulty maintaining the relationships we always cherished, and we begin to feel alone on an island with no way to escape. As a result, we start to experience depression, anxiety, loneliness, resentment, and, ultimately, worthlessness. Why does this happen, and how can we avoid it? The answer is simple: our ticket to the greatest show on earth has expired, or so we think. The issue is that the ticket gave us our identity, and it defined us.
Without our identity, we have no community. Without our community, we have lost our ticket to the greatest show on earth. We are now alone, with no sense of identity, and we are forced to experience life, the greatest show on earth, from the outside looking in. We continue to believe our career provides us with our identity and that our identity gives us access to our community. Thus, without one, we could not have the other; without either, we have nothing. Well, this way of thinking is, of course, the real issue. To avoid the struggles I have described, we need to reframe our thought processes and reevaluate who we are.
We must reframe our thoughts about who we are and where we belong. We must finally realize that our careers do not define us; we define us and our careers. We define our careers through who we were, who we became, who we are now, and who we will become. We should be honored to have been a member of the communities we helped build and excited to join other communities. We must finally understand that we alone define who we are as individuals and that our identities are what we choose them to be.
There are many communities in life, and the truth is that all provide their members with a ticket to experience life, to experience the greatest show on earth. It’s a beautiful show to behold. There are no cheap seats, just different views from different sections. Though these new seats may not offer us the same experiences, they offer us new experiences, which should be exciting.
At the beginning of this article, I stated my ticket allowed me to experience things that most people would never have the opportunity and, in some cases, misfortune to experience. Well, that’s true, and I am grateful. However, I also know that I can join new communities and get new tickets that will allow me to experience new things I might otherwise never have the opportunity to experience. The prospect of new communities and tickets to new seats is exhilarating and even comforting. So, if I may offer some advice, reframe your thinking, claim your new ticket(s), and know that you are not defined by your career but by who you are and who you want to be. Seek out new adventures and undertake new endeavors in life. But above all, know you are not on the outside looking in; you simply have new seats in new sections, so enjoy the views. After all, it is the greatest show on earth, so allow yourself to enjoy it!
On the outside looking in; Viewing “The Greatest Show on Earth” after retirement
